Mother of 7-year-old Peter (who has had a runny nose and cough for 3 days already): 101.8 degrees.
Cranquis: When did it reach that level?
Mom: Well it was only 100 degrees when he got home from school today, and since it's really hot out today, I wasn't sure if that was just because of the heat or if he was really sick, so I dressed him up in a black outfit and sent him outside to play baseball for an hour and when I rechecked him, it was 101.8 degrees.
Cranquis (trying to not express visible shock at this calm display of idiocy): Uh, um, was that temperature taken in the mouth or in the ear?
Mom: Oh, I don't have a thermometer, I just felt his forehead.
Cranquis (slowly realizing that he's dealing with a total loon): But... how did you know it was exactly 101.8 degrees, if you just felt his forehead?
Mom (waving her hand airily, obviously pleased with herself): Oh, I guess I'm just talented!